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Internet Learning
What I have learned over the internet!
- I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
- Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
- I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (penny brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
- I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that bill gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
- I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
- I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
- Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
- Because of your concern I no longer drink coca cola because it can remove toilet stains.
- I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
- I no longer use saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.
- And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
- I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with aids.
- I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
- I no longer receive packages from U{S or Fed Ex since they are actually al qaeda in disguise.
- I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
- I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
- And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either!
- I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
- Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my rear.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Plus, there is a new study and a warning for you:
- A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
You Hue-mans have a great day!
Posted: Monday 28th August 2006, 02:34 PM
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